Monday, January 15, 2007

The Slippery Slope to Hell...

Okay, nothing that dramatic.

But we are in the middle of a giant ice storm pretty much throughout the entirety of North America with the exception of Ft. Lauderdale. And apparently Dutchman U is not in the habit of getting out and salting/sanding the sidewalks and thoroughfares hereabouts. And they have no excuse for not doing this! We live in an area that should be heavily winterized - it's not like this is Atlanta or something! (okay, so now you know - I'm not in Atlanta; but I used to live there!).

At any rate, I was up on campus all the live-long-really-long day and I saw a bunch of people skittering about like little bugs on the asphalt. As I was leaving the department building tonight, I saw this girl who was trying very hard to be out in the ice/rain and still look chic and she skidded a bit. I horribly thought to myself: "Oh my god! That's so embarrassing!!" because I'm going straight to hell, basically.

But right at that moment of evil schadenfreude I got cosmically zapped! I hit a patch of black ice with both of my sensible, all-weather shoes and I start what can only be described as a 6 second, sustained, full-body spasm as I tried to fight gravity and stay upright. If anyone caught the sad episode where I attempted to breakdance again, this was much, much worse. I was flapping my arms like some kind of freakish bird, doing the "Scooby-Doo" running in motion action with my feet, and making this awfully loud yelping noise. Then I completely crashed in the exact middle of where all the kids hang out and smoke and flirt in front of the student center - I landed flat on my ass; legs and arms akimbo; no dignity left whatsoever. Then I started that thing that people automatically do when they trip on absolutely nothing except their own feet: I looked around quizzically for the offending patch of ice that had come up and deliberately attacked me.

But the best thing about this whole thing? (Besides the fact that the Dutchman is cooking tonight because I'm too bruised and battered to fry chicken)

Two of the kids actually clapped for me and one of them says, totally deadpan:

"I give you a 9.5, but your dismount was a little rusty."

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5 Comments:

At 10:33 PM, Blogger Ancrene Wiseass said...

Oh no! I hope you're going to get a nice mug of something lovely and warm and go to bed early. And I hope the bumps and bruises don't make you too sore.

 
At 10:39 PM, Blogger medieval woman said...

*Sigh!* - the only thing really hurt is my pride...my bum has plenty of padding, fortunately. :)

 
At 11:23 PM, Blogger Hilaire said...

Oh god - how awful! Ah, the joys of winter. I'd been wishing for it to finally come, but this story reminds me of the bad parts!

Hope your bumps and bruises heal soon!

 
At 11:27 PM, Blogger Flavia said...

Okay, I admit it: I'm tearing up, I'm laughing so hard at this. (Although I'd like to accuse your fine, humorous description of the event for making me do this--surely I'm not so unkind as to laugh at your actual wipe-out. I hope!)

But I do hope you feel better soon!

 
At 3:50 PM, Blogger Bardiac said...

You made me laugh, too! And I needed that!

I hate slipping on ice, so I'm really glad you're not hurt.

 

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